Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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