I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
