Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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