I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
