wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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