So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
