I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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