We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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