all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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