I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize