Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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