also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He passed out mid-signature
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
