I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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