If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
