Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
