??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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