you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here