last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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