He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize