How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
