I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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