marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
