My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
