Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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