A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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