Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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