Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
