I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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