i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok