So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
