my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs