I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.