btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize