k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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