i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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