I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
