Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
