Everything about him screamed your future.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
