Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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