There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
