yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize