i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
