Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
