I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
