she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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