she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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