Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
