That's intense
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
