I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
