apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
