Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This is classic penis vs brain.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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