I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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