Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
