Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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