found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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