I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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