Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dignity is for republicans.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
