Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
