not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
